You and your boyfriend have broken up. You've been exes for a few days, a few weeks or maybe some months, but he just doesn't seem to get it. He wants you back, he lurks and lingers next to where you live or still visits your family. He's in contact with your friends and maybe he's even trying to use them as go-betweens for the reconciliation. He won't leave your phone alone, whether it's texts or calls. Now here's the thing: you're done. You're finished with the relationship, you've moved on- maybe you've even started dating someone new that you like and he's putting a cramp in the new relationship. Even if he is a nice guy, and you had a great time together- you want to get rid of your ex. Here's what you do:
- Communication is important if you want to spare his feelings. You'll have to be very straight and specific. Make sure he understands that there's no chance of a reunion. You've probably already tried to talk to him, but one last time won't hurt you.
- When something or someone becomes problematic, you have to go cold-turkey. You can try explaining it to him before you do it, but you'll have to cut him off completely. Just quit all contact. That means no picking up his phone calls, no texts and no emails, at all. Not even if you're feeling guilty, and most certainly not when you're feeling lonely. You'll only re-encourage him and get his hopes up. It's unfair to you both.
- Tell your family and friends to respect your decision, and ask them to also cut off contact. This goes especially with family. He's no longer a future possibility. When you go into a relationship you know there's a chance it won't work out. If your mother's still chatting with him on the phone or he's still visiting your father, it has to stop.
- The worst possible scenario is that he refuses or gets aggressive- perhaps to a stalking point which means you have to take steps to protect yourself. If you have severe problems with him, you may even eventually need to file with the police.
Asking her out smoothly, getting her to say yes and finally having your first date takes a little preparation if you want to do it well. You can ask her out without looking (or feeling) desperate or needy- in fact, you can pull it off with impeccable style.