What you thought of as the impossible has happened: your husband has cheated on you, and now he wants you to forgive him. It's difficult to come to grips with the fact that the person you trusted most in the world has cheated on you and betrayed your trust. Disrespected you and your relationship. Dealing with all of the pain he's inflicted, it seems unbelievable that he expects your forgiveness. Marriage is about hard work, though, and whether or not you want to keep it. If you do, you'll have to work through your husband's indiscretion as a couple. Part of that will be forgiving him for cheating on you. Where do you start picking up the pieces and move forward after he's confessed adultery?
- The first thing to do when you find out your husband's been cheating on you is to take some space and time for yourself. Take as long as you need. Don't let yourself be reactive in the moment, because you may regret it later. Weigh all of the pluses and minuses of your marriage, of your husband and working through your relationship. Ask yourself if you can honestly forgive him.
- Once you've decided on forgiving your husband for cheating, begin moving forward as a couple and work on your relationship together. It will take time and a lot of patience on his end, because you'll have a lot of insecurities and lack of trust. Believing him when he says what he's doing, where he's going, is going to be a long-term venture.
- Get all of the information you need about the affair out in the open, deal with it then leave it behind. It's not forgiving him for cheating if you're still bringing it up months or even years down the road, as a weapon.
- Give yourself all of the TLC you need, because adultery can be an ego-shattering experience for you. Blaming yourself for him cheating on you is a natural reaction. It wasn't your fault, it was his. It was his choice and he made it. You need to remember your wonderful you and how worthy you are of being cherished and loved. Cheaters cheat out of cowardice of communicating their needs to their wives, not because you didn't do enough. You have to recover emotionally if you're going to forgive him and save your marriage.
Many couples manage to recover from a husband who's cheated successfully. It will take a lot of work from both partners in a marriage, but if you really want to continue the relationship you'll eventually be able to find forgiveness.