Coming Clean to Your Better Half / Confessing Your Sins to Your Spouse

Admitting to yourself that you've made a mistake is difficult enough, but confessing adultery to your spouse is much worse. You've probably built up the conversation in your head dozens of times. You know it's the right thing to do, admitting adultery to your partner. Confessing you cheated. They deserve to know. The fear of the repercussions are sometimes stronger than your will to be f air and respect your spouse. However, it's a lot better if they find out from you. By waiting you're taking the chance that someone else will confess your adultery to your spouse for you, further destroying communication in your relationship. Here are some things to keep in mind for the very serious discussion:

  • 1. Choose your time wisely. You'll want to make sure that the atmosphere is quiet, private and calm for a long talk. You've already been unfair to your spouse by committing adultery- you don't need to add to the humiliation they'll feel by doing it in public or in front of other people.
  • 2. Prepare how you're going to present it. It might help to make notes to clarify your thinking. Make sure there's no blame involved on your spouse- you made the choice to cheat, they didn't. Also be ready to give them space and time. As much as they need, as long as they need.
  • 3. If you want your marriage to survive this, you're going to have to be patient and sensitive to your spouse's needs. Don't 'protect' them by leaving out details or avoiding any questions they may have about the Other or your infidelity. It may be hard, but saving your marriage after confessing adultery to your spouse involves a lot of work on your side.
  • 4. Be accountable for your actions and take responsibility for the pain you've caused. Cheating dents, if not erases, all trust and chance of intimacy for your relationship. It doesn't mean you can't still be affectionate, if that's what your spouse needs, but respect their boundaries and the fact they'll have to repair their self-esteem.
  • 5. Don't get discouraged if you've confessed your adultery to your spouse, and they're distant for some time, are suspicious of your actions or are angry. Time will heal.
  • Many marriages go through cheating and come out eventually even stronger, if both partners are willing to work at it. It doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. You taking the first step by being honest and coming clean about it is an excellent way to start the slow road to re-building.